If I tell you to think of someone who could be considered a toxic person, it wouldn't take you two seconds to give me an answer. It seems that we live surrounded by them and we have (more or less) clear that the solution is to put earth through, or at least they have told us. The truth is that these people can effectively leave us without energy, tear our self-esteem and truly bitter our lives, but ... they don't have all the power over us. What can we do to avoid the toxic effects of such people?
Moving away is worth ... but also face and manage
Sometimes we can not get away from that person (for example if he is our boss), sometimes we may not want to do it (because he is a relative with whom we join ties that we do not want to break, because it has facets that compensate us ...).
We cannot always avoid what makes us feel bad, life is full of stressful and complicated events: a family loss, a dismissal, a disappointment in love ... If our psychological and emotional well-being depended on avoiding these things we would be in serious trouble because it is impossible .
If instead of avoiding what we do is take the reins not only we will not be affected by that person, but also strengthen our self-esteem. But how is that done?
Don't buy what it tells you
Being waterproof would be great for these cases, but then we would also miss the good things in life. No, passing everything is not worth, what we need is to learn to "not buy" those comments or attitudes that do not interest us emotionally.
If we do not give credit they will not affect us beyond what is necessary. To help you: why would you think that someone who does not know how to manage their own emotions and is harming others is right? Well, that.
In addition to not buying what that toxic person tells us we need to set limits, physical or mental. How many times do you see each other, the topics you are talking about, how far we let them interfere in our lives ... Limits. What does not leave us because one of its characteristics is to be highly invasive? Well then, as we have done everything we had to do to face ... let's run in the opposite direction!
Help but not load
People are very inclined to try to change others, to "cure" and improve them. We carry those backpacks (which nobody has asked us on the other hand) convinced that with our support and with a little affection the thing will improve.
But it is not like that: we cannot be exclusively responsible for the welfare of others, we are not lifeguards, nor should we be, among other things because the other may not even consider having to change one iota.
Trying to change another person, no matter how good our intentions, in addition to ethical issues, has as a handicap that it will cause us brutal wear: it is something like trying to move a mountain that for more inri does not want to be moved.
Choose the battles
If you have no choice but to deal with a person with these characteristics, the risk of being burned is very high because the negative bombardment is constant. To avoid being shocked, we must try to place everything in its place and give it the importance it really has.
This costs, because when we are saturated every drop is a world, but it is worth a try. That is, do not confront each thing because it will be like facing you with a stone over and over again. If you pass, if you do not alter, it will be like the water surrounding that stone (and that wears it much more than a blow with your soft squishy).
The opinions of others are not sentences
The opinion that another has of us does not have to correspond with reality, do we see it? Reflection: have you ever criticized someone? Well, that criticism, did he have the power to turn that person into what you thought he was?
Moreover, did you have the power to make others see her that way? No, right? Well, apply the same thing to toxic people: whatever they say is not going to become reality, they are words, not magic spells.
The toxic person, the emotional vampire I may do all these things because they are the only tools available to survive, to manage life. That is, it is very possible that he will not be able to do things differently to achieve his goals. Now, that does not give him the right to try to sink, or to abandon us at his will. Let's take the reins and put everything in its place, it will come in handy for everything.